


Clocks//Stucky

by not_the_sinistertype



Series: Clocks [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-11-13 18:31:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 20,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18036626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_the_sinistertype/pseuds/not_the_sinistertype
Summary: Bucky never expected life to be perfect





	1. One

Bucky never expected life to be perfect. Not when he was young and carefree. Not when he was living with Steve. Not when he was fighting in the war. And most certainly, not when he was the Winter Soldier

Life certainly wasn't perfect now.

The peeling walls, sodden carpet, leaky ceiling, and cold feeling were all far from perfect. But Bucky was content.

He didn't want to leave the run down shack in the middle of Rootsiküla Estonia. There he was safe. No one could find him there.

But even for a man that didn't want to be found, he still liked the company.

On Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and select Saturdays, Aiandama would visit him.

She was a rather short 18-year-old girl who would bring him vegetables from the garden she had. Aiandam lived by herself near Bucky.

Lucky for Bucky, the girl spoke a little English and was fluent in Russian.

Aiandama also taught Bucky some basic Estonian so he could go to the local market and buy dried meat, and if he had a good day, an apple.

For money, Bucky would ask around his small neighborhood and sometimes into town, doing various chores in exchange for a bit of money.

But then it all changed one day.

Bucky yawned and got up, shivering like every other morning. He walked over to the crate that had a gallon milk carton full of homemade black tea that Aiandama had made for him.

Bucky drank little, going to tear a small piece of dried meat from the package. The small strip could last him about 4 hours before he needed a little more.

Bucky noticed he was getting low on said meat, and needed to go into town to get more. He counted up his euros before heading out, baseball cap and jacket on.

As he walked, Bucky felt as if he was being watched. There was always the usual paranoia and PTSD from the soldier, but this was different.

Bucky safely made it to town, letting out a quiet sigh as he made his way to the dried meats.

Double checking his money, he bought a small chunk of dried lamb. He had enough money to last him another two weeks if he conserved. But he knew a few people would have chores for him.

Bucky got a strange urge. He found himself walking towards the small fruit stand. Bucky felt on edge today, so he thought he would have something sweet to calm himself. He bought some strawberries.

"Hei Bucky! (Hey Bucky!)" Aiandama greeted him.

"Tere, Aiandama. K-kuidas s-sa täna h-hommus? (Hello, Aiandama. How are you this morning?)" Bucky tried.

"Good!" Aiandama clapped her hands together. "Ты хорошо разбираешься, Баки. (You're getting good at this, Bucky.)" The language switched once again.

"Я практиковал. (I've been practicing.)" Bucky smiled a little. "Нужна помощь в настройке? (Need any help setting up?)" He added.

"Если вы не возражаете. (If you wouldn't mind.)" Aiandama nodded.

"I should teach you English sometime," Bucky spoke, helping her lay out the various vegetables.

"Можно по русски. Я едва понимаю английский. (Russian, please. I barely understand English.)" She shrugged.

"Я говорил, как мне когда-нибудь научить вас английскому языку. И я мог бы также работать на моем эстонском языке. (I was saying how I should teach you English sometime. And I could also work on my Estonian.)" Bucky explained.

"E-English... hard." Aiandama laughed a bit, moving a couple things around.

"I agree," Bucky smirked. "Я желаю вам много клиентов. Я сейчас уйду. (I wish you lots of customers. I'll be off now.)" Bucky added once Aiandama was finished setting up her stand.

"Bye Bucky. Thank." She made an attempt at thanking him correctly in English.

"Hüvasti, mu sõber. (Goodbye, my friend.)" He said his own goodbye, turning to walk back to his home.

The feeling of being watched was still present. Bucky knew something was off.


	2. Two

The next morning, Bucky felt a little paranoid.

Bucky drank his usual tea, and had his usual meat, and had a strawberry. 

Yesterday had been a good day for work, lots of people needing stuff to be done. But feeling of being watched from the shadows... 

Bucky shook his head, demanding that the negative thoughts subside. He didn't need negative thoughts.

So he slowly chewed on the strawberry, thinking of who could be watching him, if anyone.

Bucky's mind immediately drifted to Steve. But there was no way anyone from the avenger or S.H.I.E.L.D. could possibly know where he was.

The next option seemed more likely. HYDRA. Someone must be tracking him. Someone must have finally given an order. 

But if HYDRA were on the island, then everyone Bucky had even made acquaintances with, would be in danger. Especially Aiandama.

Bucky hated himself for being so naive. He hated that he allowed himself to be somewhat happy. He hated he had gotten close to someone. He hated HYDRA most.

Bucky let out a sigh, taking another sip of his tea. He was finally begging to be happy. At least a little.

He need to tell Aiandama. He needed to leave. He needed to be more careful. 

Bucky rubbed his face a little, going to pull on his shoes. Taking a few euros, he headed into town. 

He walked up to a lady selling small pastries. He hadn't seen her before. 

"Tere. (Hello.)" Bucky spoke, looking down at this feet. 

"Tere noormees. Kuidas ma saan teid aidata? (Hello young man. How may I help you?)" The woman responded. 

Bucky looked at the various items, decided that he would get Aiandma a little something.

On the table, there was a little pastry filled with a cream. It wasn't too expensive, and he though Aiandama might like it. 

He bought the small sweet, nodding to the lady before venturing off in the direction of Aiandama's home.

He knocked on the old wooden door, hoping the girl was home. On the way there, he had time to think a little.

He was going to tell Aiandama that he needed to leave. That he couldn't speak to her anymore.

"Bucky. Hello." She smiled. 

"Hello, Aiandama. Я купил тебе это. (I bought you this.)" Bucky handed her the sweet. 

"Баки, ты не должен был. (Bucky, you shouldn't have.)" Aiandama gratefully accepted, smiling sweetly at him. Bucky felt horrible suddenly. 

"Могу ли я войти? У меня есть кое-что, о чем я хочу поговорить. (Can I come in? I have some things I want to talk about.)" Bucky spoke softly.

Aiandama nodded, stepping aside to let Bucky in. "Что происходит? (What's up?)" She frowned a little. 

Bucky sat down at her table before answering. "Мне нужно покинуть остров. (I have to leave the island.)" He spoke.

"Зачем? (Why?)" She seemed a little upset.

"Боюсь, я не могу сказать вам... (I'm afraid I can't tell you....)" Bucky shook his head a little. He hated not being able to tell her the truth. But he could never tell her if someone was listening. 

"Ты можешь мне что-нибудь сказать, Баки! (You can tell me anything, Bucky!)" Aiandama sounded distressed. 

"Я не могу. И это также означает, что я должен перестать разговаривать с вами. Ты не в безопасности, пока я рядом. Я уезжаю завтра. (I can't. And this also means I have to stop talking to you. You're not safe as long as I'm around. I'm leaving tomorrow.)" Bucky explained. 

"No," Aiandama. "Y-You're my best friend." She stuttered a bit, having difficulty speaking English. 

"I'm sorry." Bucky frowned. "Мне очень жаль. Я должен уйти. (I'm so sorry.)" Bucky stood up. "Ты был удивительным другом. Я всегда благодарен за все, что вы сделали для меня. (You've been an amazing friend. I'm forever grateful you all you've done for me.)" He wrapped his arms around Aiandama, closing his eye.

Aiandama sniffled a little, holding on. Bucky eventually pulled away, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.

Bucky walked away, leaving it at that.


	3. Three

Not even the worst days of Bucky's life could compare to this day. 

Well, Bucky was sure he could pick out one or two occasions, but he didn't want to think of those. 

The day started off normal, besides the fact Bucky awoke with a splitting headache. And he couldn't go to Aiandama to get something to help it after he abandoned her. 

A sense of guilt was hanging over Bucky as he counted up the money he had. It was almost enough for a ticket to mainland. Good thing he planned on working today. 

Bucky had enough food to last for about three weeks, and enough tea to last ten days if I conserved. It was good enough for him.

He walked his usual route, asking if there was anything he could do for money. 

"James, kuidas sul läheb, kallis? (James, how are you, dear?)" Mrs. Koppel greeted him. She was a busy woman most of the times and needed someone to take care of her cat while she was gone, so she was always Bucky's last stop.

"Tere, proud Koppel. (Hello, Mrs. Koppel" He responded politely. "Viimane päev saab kassi hoolitseda. Ma lahkun saarest varsti. (Last day I can take care of the cat. I'll leave island soon.)" Bucky stuttered a bit. 

Mrs. Koppel frowned a little. "Olgu. (Alright.)" She gave a little smile, inviting him inside. 

As soon as Bucky stepped into the house, he was greeted by Džätlid. Tatters, as Bucky calls the tomcat.

Bucky stayed with Tatters for four hours. That was the usual. Then he would go home, wash best he could, and sleep. 

But instead of that, Bucky was going to Lao. And then God knows where. 

Once Mrs. Koppel returned, she paid Bucky. He noticed that it was a little more than he usually got, but he was greatful. 

Now he had enough money to buy a ticket. But Bucky had one last thing to do. 

Now we come to one of the top three worst days in Bucky's life. 

He walked up to the door of Aiamdama for the last time. But strangely, the door was open. Bucky called out, but there was no response.

Bucky felt guilty, walking into her house, but Bucky needed to say goodbye. 

He almost threw up before he even saw what it was. The stench alone was horrific, and Bucky regretted the day he was born. 

Sprawled out on the floor, was the body of Aiandama. And right in front of her body sprawled out in blood, were two words that Bucky hated the most. 

Hail Hydra.

The color drained from Bucky's face. He was right. And he got his friend killed. It was all Bucky's fault. Well, it was mostly HYDRA's fault, but it was Bucky who wasn't careful. 

Aiandama had her whole life ahead of her. And it got cut short. And Bucky blamed himself. 

Terror and grief set in a few moments later. Bucky shook his head, tears falling out of his gray eyes and he back out of the house. 

He had killed Aiandama. He got her killed. Bucky had to leave. He had to try and escape. Or maybe he didn't have to. Maybe he just had to leave this life. Then he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone anymore. 

But one thing was holding him back. One person he never wanted to see again. One person that he trusted completely. The one person he hurt the most. 

Steve.


	4. Four

Bucky was pacing his room, trying to clear his mind. 

He had the money to leave, but for how long could he escape HYDRA? He didn't think he could run for very long. 

When Bucky finally pulled himself together, he thought of the most reasonable choice of action. 

Suicide was very high on the list. 

But he decided that he wasn't going to let that happen. As long as he was alive, HYDRA was still going to come for him. If he was dead, they'd find a way to make another soldier. 

So the best choice of action was getting on a boat, and running. 

Bucky stopped pacing, going to gather all his things in a backpack he had acquired, and left his home. He left Aiandama. 

Getting to and on the boat was easy. He simply paid, and found an isolated seat, looking out at the ocean.

The distance to the main island wasn't bad. He paid and found an isolated seat.

Bucky didn't have anything to think about or do, considering he refused to let his thoughts wander to Aiandama or Steve.

Sleep wasn't on the table either. If Bucky slept, he would have nightmares. And still grieving for Aiandama, they nightmares would most certainly be based around her. 

And if not her, then Steve. Bucky seemed to be thinking a lot about Steve lately. 

The death of Aiandama only brought more memories of his best friend, or more realistic, his former best friend. Bucky wasn't Sergeant James Barnes anymore. He was hardly Bucky. 

Bucky tried to clear his thoughts, looking instead to the window to his right. 

Bucky thought about his hygiene. He probably smelled like sewage, and his hair was greasy and tangled, and his breath was rancid. 

Maybe he'd have enough money to get a hotel room and clean himself up. He had to look presentable to run from his past. 

It was sooner than Bucky thought when the boat docked. Bucky was quick to slink off the vessel, distancing himself from others as possible. 

Bucky wandered the small town he was in, subconsciously looking for HYDRA while looking for a motel. 

Bucky sighed in relief as he spotted a motel, signs advertising the cheap price. Bucky only needed one night. He can't stay in one place for too long. That's what killed Aiandama.

Bucky stayed silent as he walked to the front desk, handing the overweight man the money in exchange for a key. 

Bucky set his bag down on the floor as soon as he got in, moving quickly and closing the door, locking it. He was tempted to jam the door shut.

Bucky was relieved to see a crappy washer and drying. He stripped out of his clothes, dumping them all into the wash, along with the one extra change of clothes he had.

Bucky took this time to shower. He stepped into space, turning the water on. Bucky shivered at the sudden cold but felt immensely refreshed. 

Bucky soon turned the water almost burning hot, enjoying the slight pain of the water. Bucky knew he would soon get used to it. 

Bucky took the small bottle of shampoo the motel offered, dumping all of it in his hair, lathering his head with the soap. 

He felt lighter as the layers of grime were washed from his body and down into the drain. Bucky let out a content sigh.

Looking down, Bucky saw the dirt turning the water brown at his feet. He felt gross at that moment. He imagined the dirt as blood, a side effect of being the Winter Soldier for so long. 

Bucky then washed his hair with conditioner, washing it out in turn. He stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around himself. 

He looked in the mirror, feeling numb. He didn't recognize his reflection. His reflection was a man with hair a little above his shoulders, cold, dead gray eyes, and pale skin. His reflection was no longer the snarky man he used to be. 

Forcing himself to turn away, Bucky walked out of the bathroom, bringing the towel up to dry his hair. He couldn't stand mirrors.

Bucky walked over to the laundry, seeing as though he wouldn't have clothes for while longer. 

Bucky felt too exposed. He very conscious of his mechanical appendage. He felt like HYDRA was going to burst through his door at any moment. 

Feeling distressed, Bucky sat down at the edge of the bed on the sheets that most likely haven't been washed in months.

For a man who has so much time to think, it's almost sad that Bucky won't allow himself to. 

Absolute numbness is safe. Feelings are dangerous. Feelings get innocent people killed. 

After a while of sitting and not thinking, a sounded through the room, signaling the laundry to finish. But it still needed to be dried. 

Bucky decided to try and take a nap, which in hindsight, was a horrible idea.

This round of nightmares included Aiandama. But instead of it just being the corpse, Bucky was the one to end her life. To write the two words that ruined everything. 

But the worst part was he was Bucky, trapped in the Winter Soldier, completely conscious, with no control over his actions. 

Bucky tried and tried to wake himself up as the Winter Soldier stalked out of the house, and on to the next target. 

But the next target... Bucky was going to need to wake himself up now.

If the nightmare proceeded, Bucky knew he was going to scream and cry in his sleep, and he really didn't want to get kicked out. 

The metal arm acted, squeezing Bucky's flesh hand until Bucky woke up, a giant bruise now forming on his wrist.

Sleep was not an option. As soon as Bucky got all his clothes, he could collect his things, and leave as soon as possible. 

Bucky was grateful for the buzz that was the end of the wash. Bucky pulled on the clothes, still warm from the dryer. It was nice. 

Pulling all his belongings together, grabbing a few things from the motel, (just some hygiene products) he left the room, walking to find a bus stop to take him, someone.

Anywhere away from his problems.


	5. Five

Getting a few miles away from the motel was a start. Not a very long start, but a start.

Bucky had been riding the bus for a few hours now. He just got on and didn't plan on getting off until he was kicked off.

At the last bus stop, Bucky got off, stretching a bit, careful not to show his metal arm. Bucky tried to hide best he could, just in case any HYDRA members were in the vicinity.

He had his hair drawn up in a ponytail with a baseball cap on, gloves, and a rather puffy coat. He kept his head down and no one looked at him.

That was until he got off the last bus stop.

A single gunshot sounded. Then a metallic ping and Bucky felt his metal arm twitch. He looked down to see a hole in the coat. Someone had shot him in the arm.

Bucky's mind immediately went into soldier mode, the plates in his arm grinding as he clenched his fist.

Another shot. Bucky blocked it.

Then sudden warmth spreading across his back, pain now screaming in his veins. The bus was rigged. HYDRA was ready for him.

Trying to ignore the pain in his back, Bucky scouted the shooter. He really wished he had a gun.

Instead, Bucky ducked into the building of the bus stop. A bullet flew through the window. The more and more.

Bucky was trapped.

☆

Trying to find Bucky was harder than last time.

Steve was working alone now. Everyone else had given up. Steve was on the verge himself.

Steve was in his apartment, making himself a sandwich when his phone rang, the call coming from a blocked number.

"Steve, turn on the tv wherever you are. News channel would be spectacular." Natasha's voice sounded in his ear.

Confused, Steve walked to his living room, turning on the television. "Now time for breaking news. An explosion on an Estonian bus and a shooting lead to 12 casualties, and multiple reports of sightings of the criminal known as the Winter Soldier."

Steve froze. He didn't know how to react. Displayed on the screen, was a picture of Bucky. He looked scared, broken, and hurt.

"Authorities are now searching for the Winter Soldier. Any information will help in the search for this criminal." The reporter spoke.

Panicking, Steve turned off the tv, immediately calling Natasha back.

"We need to get Bucky before they do. HYDRA or whoever else wants to get Bucky." Steve pleaded into the phone.

"Already on it, Cap. Looks like we're going to Estonia." Natasha confirmed. "Won't take too long to get there on the quinjet."

Steve stayed silent. He was running through scenarios in his head. For instance, if Bucky remembers him now, if Bucky was captured by now or not, or if Bucky was now dead or not.

Steve hated the doubt creeping all around him. It made him anxious, and he just wanted answers. Either positive or negative,  but Steve preferred the former. 

"Steve?" The voice startled him slightly, forgetting he was on a phone call. 

"Yea... yea sorry. I spaced out a little." Steve squeezed his eyes shut for a few moments. "Where do you want me to meet you?" He spoke again.

"I'll come to you." Was the reply.

"Thanks, Nat." 

"Not a problem, Steve."

But it is a problem. All the time and effort just so Steve could hold on to the tiniest sliver of hope that he might get Bucky back. Well, whatever was left of the Buck knew.  It was unknown to Steve just how badly Bucky was broken. 

  ☆  

Bucky was now bleeding from a shot in his left leg. He wasn't careful enough ducking behind another desk in the station, and someone took a lucky shot when his leg was exposed. Bucky cursed himself for thinking there would only be one sniper from one angle.

Bucky had managed to escape by dodging and blocking bullets as best he could while making his way to the back of the station and break a back window and run as fast as he could.

So that's how he ended up here. In an abandoned park overgrown with ivy.  

Bucky tore the hem of his pants a little, tying the fabric tight around the wound. If he didn't get it treated, it would become infected, yet it was impossible for Bucky to get to a hospital. By now, everyone knew that the Winter Soldier was in Estonia. 

Bucky had lost a decent amount of blood, and on top of everything, it was almost pitch black and getting colder by the minute. Bucky knew he was going to meet his end soon.

Bucky shook his head as darkness started creeping up from behind his eyes. If Bucky passed out, he would surely die in a matter of hours, and if not, found and captured by HYDRA. Bucky would choose death over being brainwashed and tortured any time. 

So when the lure of unconsciousness reared again, Bucky welcomed it, ready to be whisked away.

Bucky only wished he could say goodbye to Steve.


	6. Six

"Now the night is coming to an end..."  

Bucky didn't remember putting on any music. His guess is that Steve went out and bought a new record and decided it would be a good idea to wake Bucky. 

"Stevie, turn it down." Bucky groaned, moving a bit. That's when the pain hit him. The feeling spread across his whole body, the intensity making him want to scream. 

Still hazy, Bucky managed to pinpoint the most pain- his leg and his head. Then it all came back. Bucky wasn't being woken up by Steve in their little apartment in Brooklyn. He was most likely in a HYDRA lair, about to have his memories stripped once more. So he didn't open his eyes. 

But then why was he still hearing music? 

"Sorry, Buck. I just thought this song would be peaceful enough to keep you asleep." A voice spoke. The voice was sad, yet overjoyed at the same time. A mix of emotions you wouldn't expect to tag the person speaking with unless you understood his situation. 

Only then did Bucky dare open his eyes. His vision was filled with a blinding white momentarily. The light soon faded back and Bucky could truly assess where he was, and if that voice was really his. 

Bucky came to the conclusion that he was in a hospital. He didn't know how he came to be here, or even where there is. 

But all the questions were strewn aside once his eyes landed on a pale face and baby blue eyes. The eyes that would peek at him from behind a sketchbook on the other side of the couch. The eyes that would slowly grow sick and dull, only to spring back to life. The eyes that worried Bucky. The eyes that haunted Bucky. 

Steve's eyes. 

Bucky felt at home. He felt safe. He wanted to cry and smile and feel once again what it was like to hold Steve in his arms. 

The brief moment of peace was interrupted by a door opening. Bucky closed his eyes.

"How's he doing?" A whisper from the strange man.

"Just woke up. That's why I called you in here." Steve replied. 

"Okay, well I'll check his vitals. He won't get able to get outta here for another 3 days or so. The bullet pierced deep and the wound was infected." The man explained.

"Thank you for taking care of him, Tony." Bucky heard Steve mumble.

"Not a problem." Bucky heard a door open and close. Expecting to once again be alone with Steve, he opened his eyes and was disappointed.

Instead of being alone with Steve, he was alone with the man of the name Tony. Bucky held back a sigh.

"Nice to meet you Bucky. Although I wish it could be under different circumstances, alas, here we are. I'm Tony Stark." The man introduced himself.

"Howard Stark... I remember your father. He made Steve's shield..." Bucky trailed off, a small smile ghosting his face. He was fond of memories of his past life, and always welcomed the 1940's back. 

"Yea. Well, I need to check over you and stuff. Press some buttons, y'know?" Tony grinned, trying to make light of their situation. 

Bucky didn't know. He wanted Steve to come back. He didn't want Howard Stark's son. 

A whirring filled his ears and Tony pressed a button. He assumed a machine was taking his vitals and such, and administering more drugs, based on the fact the pain was slowly growing numb. 

"Okay..." Tony started after the noise had ceased. "Everything is in order, but the medication for the infected bullet wound does little to nothing. Your metabolism is tearing through it." He explained.

"Does that mean my leg won't heal?" Bucky didn't want another prosthetic appendage.

"Well I'm working with a guy on making something that will hopefully help, but I've increased the dosage. Al the serum they gave you is healing your leg nicely. It's just infected." Tony continued.

Bucky nodded. He just needed to hope whatever the two were working on, well, worked.

"Well, I'll leave you alone now. You should rest more." Tony advised, going to leave the room.

"Wait," Bucky spoke. "Could you send Steve in?" Bucky felt small when he asked the question. Like a little girl asking for her father to walk her to class on the first day of school.

"Of course." Tony smiled softly, finally leaving the room. A few moments later, Steve appeared.

"How are you feeling, Buck?" Steve asked in a soft tone. Bucky could fall asleep with Steve talking to him in that voice. Steve had this way of calming Bucky down that neither of them could explain.

"Better than I was," Bucky mumbled. He did feel physically better, but he was still mentally broken. He also felt cleaner and had a hospital gown on. He just really hoped Tony wasn't the one to do all that, yet he still didn't want anyone to be undressing him. 

Maybe old Bucky would smirk at the thought, but- what he now called "Broken Bucky"- wanted to shrink and disappear. 

"Do you wanna tell me what happened?" Steve's words were almost a whisper. They were laced with worry, curiosity, and sadness. Bucky wanted to tell Steve everything, but he could find the right words or even open his mouth for that matter. 

"Okay. Could I ask again tomorrow?" The blond asked tentatively. Bucky just nodded, seeming to be at a loss for any sense of speech. "Are you hungry?" Steve spoke again. 

Bucky thought for a moment, trying to feel if he was hungry or not. He hadn't even thought about food in the time he was awake. But when Bucky thought about eating, his stomach growled. So he nodded again, offering a weak smile. 

Bucky knew he was underweight, and probably couldn't handle even half a meal yet, but he was glad Steve offered. 

"Okay! I'll go get something for you." Steve looked happy to be helping. And Bucky guessed Steve felt guilty for not being there for Bucky for all that time he was gone. But Bucky hadn't wanted to be found. He didn't want Steve to feel guilty. 

When Steve did come back, Bucky decided he wanted to talk.

"I'm sorry."Bucky murmured when Steve set a tray of food down in front of him. 

"For what, Buck?" Steve frowned. 

"For leaving. I didn't want to cause any trouble by staying around, but you look guilty. You sound guilty." Bucky explained, getting distressed quickly. He wanted to cry. He wanted to fall into Steve and sob on his shoulder. 

"Bucky... don't be sorry. I'm the one who should be sorry. Sorry for not trying hard enough to make you believe you were worth it. I'm sorry for not finding you soon enough." Steve looked like he wanted to cry himself. "I spent the whole time trying to find you. Everyone else gave up... but I had hoped you were still out there somewhere." Steve added quietly, tears welling in his eyes.

"Steve, Stevie doesn't cry. Don't blame yourself. I didn't want to be found, but I'm glad you found me when you did." Steve wasn't close enough to hold. Bucky hated this new life. He wished he never fell. He wished Steve didn't get the serum. Then the two could have lived peacefully in their little apartment together. But fate had other plans. 

Steve sniffed, wiping the tears out of the corners of his eyes. Steve was always the emotional one out of the two, but Bucky hadn't seen Steve cry in over 70 years. Bucky hated seeing those blue eyes clouded with sadness.

"Um, I'll leave you alone to eat if you want." Steve nodded a little, moving to get up.

"Wait- stay. I... I could use some company. Even if we don't talk..." Bucky trailed off, opting instead to take a sip of the apple juice that was on the tray.

Steve sat back down, curling his legs up in the chair. Bucky could tell Steve was tired, but Bucky didn't want to be left alone, as selfish as it was. 

☆

Steve drifted in and out of sleep while Bucky ate. The long-haired man kept telling Steve he could go and rest after the first time Steve fell asleep. Steve could tell Bucky was guilty of making him stay in the first place. But Steve would endure way more than lack of sleep to be in the same room as Bucky for any amount of time. 

Tony knocked on the door right after Bucky finished eating. 

"Hey, you two. Banner and I got a sample produced. We wanna give it to Bucky now if that's okay." Tony explained. Bucky's eyes lit up a little.

"Yea lets try it." Bucky nodded, sitting up straighter. 

"It might not work. It's just a sample." Tony warned, taking the medicine over to the I.V to hook it in. 

After a few moments, the medicine was pumping though Bucky's veins. "It might make you tired and maybe nauseous, but it has an 85% chance of success." Tony sounded confident enough. 

After Tony left, it was only a few minutes before Bucky was passed out on the hospital bed. Steve knew he could now leave and get some sleep himself, but he refused to leave Bucky alone. 

Steve was bored just sitting on the chair, gazing around the room. Steve tapped Bucky's leg to test how deep in sleep the man was. Getting no reaction, Steve's heartbeat increased when he moved to lay in the hospital bed next to Bucky. 

From all their times cuddling in the winter when Steve's own body warmth and blankets weren't enough, Steve still got nervous sleeping next to Bucky. 

Bucky had a habit of curling up when he slept, so it made room for Steve to lay down comfortably. 

Feeling more confident, Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's sleeping form. Steve felt relaxed.

He had been searching for month after month with no avail. To finally have Bucky back, nothing could compare to this feeling.


	7. Seven

"Whatcha' thinkin' about, Stevie?"

"Nothin' much, Buck. Can't sleep."

"Me neither."

The two whispered back and forth into the late hours of the night exchanging soft and friendly touches to the backs of the other.

The middle of winter were the worst months for Steve. Illness always wracked his body and heat was always a problem in their drafty old apartment. Blankets were threadbare and clothing was thin as of the walls.

But Bucky was always there for him. Bucky made sure Steve was warm and fed and all his medication taken care of.

The nights were cruel alone. But on the nights Bucky wasn't out with some dame were the opposite. The colder nights of the year, Bucky would push their two beds together and pile up all the blankets and pillows they had and bury themselves in the soft warmth of the blankets and each other embrace.

Of course, these actions to both men were just ways to keep warm and fight off colds. On both sides, these actions were platonic of course. They were intended to be platonic, yet intentions stray.

Further, into the years, the cuddling for warmth became something more. It turned into enjoying each other's arms. They missed cuddling and the intimacy of it all.

Neither of them admitted anything to the other, but the feeling was unknowingly mutual.

But it's different now.

Steve detached himself before Bucky woke up. In reality, Steve only spent half an hour curled up next to Bucky.

It wasn't until hours later that Bucky was awake.

The shooting pains had lulled away, although there was a dull ache in his head that throbbed every so often.

Opening his eyes, Bucky half expected to see small Steve to be wrapped up in his arms, but instead, he found himself looking at changed Steve, sitting in a chair, reading a book.

"Steve?" Bucky's voice was hoarse and shakey as he addresses the man across the room from him.

"Hey, Buck. How are you feeling?" Bucky didn't know how to answer the question. So he shrugged and watched as Steve moved to sit on the end of the bed.

Steve seemed to accept his silence. Instead of pressing anything further, Steve sat in silence, looking down at the linoleum floor.

Feeling bad, Bucky sat up. The pain was pretty bad when he moved too much, but he pushed through it.

Once Bucky had righted himself, he reached out his hands, tugging on Steve's arm softly, pulling him closer so Bucky could wrap his arms around Steve.

Bucky didn't know how long the hug was. He didn't frankly care. He buried his face in Steve's shoulder and closed his eyes, breathing softly.

This was blissful. He forgot how much he loved hugging Steve. All the friendly touches shared and looks stolen. Bucky missed it all.

He just missed Steve.


	8. Eight

One week later

It had been three days since Bucky got out of the hospital. 

Bucky was slowly getting used to life with Steve again. He liked the soft music in the mornings. He liked the warm bed and blankets.

But most of all, he liked seeing Steve every day. 

Steve was teaching him more about the modern life then he ever got in Estonia or anywhere else. 

Bucky would always love the 40 music, but he liked the music Steve played. Steve liked the softer songs, which seems out of character for Captain America. Bucky half expected Steve to be into Christian Rock. Bucky was glad that wasn't the case. 

Bucky always woke up before Steve, but he didn't know what to do with himself. So he always waited until he heard music. He would listen to the first song, then go out into the living room. 

But today was different. Bucky woke up and didn't hear any music, which was normal, but he heard that Steve was awake. He heard voices. 

Curious, Bucky got out of bed and walked out of the room he was staying in. Another thing Bucky did, was make sure he didn't get attached to anything. Not even Steve. As much as Bucky wanted to, he barely hung out with Steve unless the blond was telling him stuff about modern life. They never watched TV on the couch together, or just sit in each other presence. Bucky was always in his room.

Bucky emerged in the living room, spotting Steve and a girl sitting on his couch, small laughs and giggles escaping their lips as they whispered and held hands. 

"Oh! Morning, Bucky." Steve greeted when their eyes finally met. "This is my girlfriend Sharon..."

Bucky felt a twinge in his stomach, but brushed it off imediatly. Instead, he just nodded in reply, gazing at the girl he thought he recognized. 

"If you're hungry, help yourself to anything. Me and Sharon are gonna go out for breakfast." Steve explained. 

Bucky nodded. He never spoke much around anyone except Steve when they were alone. He was already afraid something bad would happen. 

Sharon gave Bucky a look like she was scared and confused. "Hey, he's okay. He's not going to hurt you. That wasn't him." Steve whispered to her, expecting Bucky not to hear, but it was inevitable. 

Bucky lingered for a moment longer before turning to go back to his room. He hated this feeling. The feeling of being lost without someone telling him what to do or prompting him to do something. 

So he sat on his- no, Steve's guest bed, and waiting until he heard the door click open, then shut. Everything went quiet.

Closing his eyes, Bucky felt a sense of calming sadness wash over him before his stomach growled a bit. 

Over the past few months, Bucky was slowly regaining all his memory. There was still stuff that was fuzzy, like specifics from the 1930s and 40s, and stuff from when he was the Winter Soldier. 

When Bucky was still in the hospital, Steve bought him a little notebook to write down his thoughts or things he remembered to help him. 

Bucky glanced at the book on the nightstand, going to pick it up along with the pencil next to it. 

Steve has a girlfriend named Sharon. She's scared of me. I got a weird feeling in my gut when he said she was his girlfriend. I don't like the feeling. It makes me feel guilty.

Bucky sighed, setting the book down when he was done. He decided he'd better get something to eat. 

Steve would always cook dinner. That was all Bucky would usually eat in a day. Only a few bites and say he was full. 

He didn't eat at all yesterday, so he guessed it was time to have a few bites of something. He got up and left the room, wandering to the kitchen. 

Bucky grabbed a slice of bread from the refrigerator, taking out the toaster. It was simple, and didn't use up a lot of Steve's food.

Once the slice of bread was done, Bucky took it out, holding it with his mouth as he put the toaster away. 

Bucky quickly went back into his room to retrieve the notebook. Steve had written a list on the first page of movies and TV shows he should watch if he was ever bored. 

The first movie on the list was The Imatation Game. Steve said he might like it. It was set in world war two, but on the British side of it, about a mathematician named Alan Turing.

And Bucky didn't really understand the fact the main character was gay made the movie more interesting to him.

☆ 

Bucky didn't remember the last time he cried from a movie or book. But this movie it did things to him. 

Bucky felt some kind of relation to the ending. He guessed it was something from the 30's, since he couldn't remember much, but he felt a weird connection to the end of the movie. 

Alan was caught for being gay. It was illegal and they wanted to put him prison, or a conversion therapy thing. 

Bucky didn't remember the date, but he heard something about a man being killed for being gay, and Bucky remembered being scared. 

Bucky wanted to delve more into his thoughts,  but then the front door opened. Bucky panicked, knowing his eyes were red and tear tracks were on his face, and he had a box of tissues in his hands. 

Steve was no longer with Sharon, so Bucky assumed he dropped off. 

Bucky pushed the tissue box on the ground, quickly wiping his face with his sleeve, trying to act like he wasn't crying. 

"Bucky, are you alright?" Steve sounded genuinely worried, and his eyes reflected this until he looked at the TV, then his gaze softened. "Oh, don't worry. I cried too." 

Bucky just blushed a little, moving slowly to go to his room, not wanting to make things uncomfortable. 

"Um, so I'm gonna go over to Sharon's, I just wanted to check up on you. But it looks like you're doing fine." Steve added. 

Bucky didn't know what to say, so he just nodded, still a bit scared that Steve would judge him. 

"Also, don't forget to eat something. When you don't it worries me." The blond admitted. Bucky didn't know what to say. "If I'm back really late, then have a good night, Bucky." Then Steve left. 

Bucky stood their for a few moments after Steve left. Something twinged in his gut, that same feeling earlier. 

Steve's blue eyes glinted in his mind, his heart started beating a bit faster. He didn't know what was happening to himself. 

Bucky snatched up the notebook, rooting around until he found a pencil, starting to write. 

Steve knows I don't eat much. I need to tell him I'm okay. The Imatation Game triggered some memories. Gays were killed in the 40s, that scared me.

Bucky flipped the page, his breathing elevated. 

Steve's eyes.

In the middle of the page. Bucky wanted to take a picture of Steve's eyes and keep the picture forever.


	9. Nine

"Sweetheart, you look a little tired, when did you last eat? Come in and make yourself right at home. Stay as long as you need."

Bucky had been awake for a few minutes, listening to Steve shuffle around the apartment before the music started.

It had been three days since Steve went out. He didn't come back that night, as Bucky expected.

Bucky only saw Steve for the past three days when the blond brought him some food. It's not that Bucky didn't like Steve at the moment, it's just that he was trying to sort out his feelings. Feelings that were completely foreign to him.

But he was ready to shove them into the depths of his mind. Feelings were dangerous, he had come to learn.

He cared for  Aiandama and that got her killed. Bucky never wanted to experience that again. Especially with Steve. 

Bucky ran his hands along his face dejectedly, his mind becoming foggy as he sat in his metaphorical rut. Then there was a knock on the door. Bucky found himself croaking out a small "come in."

"How are you, Buck?" Steve spoke once the door was open. He was holding a mug and a pink box with cartoon pandas on it. Bucky didn't reply. He just looked quizzically up at Steve. "Oh, yeah. Here." Steve handed Bucky the two items. In the mug was some chicken noodle soup, and the box was cookies filled with strawberry cream stuff. 

"Thank you." 

"No problem." There was a moment of silence between the two as Bucky picked up the spoon in the mug and took a small bite. 

"Can we talk?" Steve broke the silence. "Well, you don't have to talk, but I wanna say a few things." He explained. Bucky simply nodded cautiously in return. 

"Your eating habits kind of worry me, cause you're not getting enough food from what I see. And starving yourself is counterproductive because-"

"I'm not."

"What?"

"I'm not starving myself. Just used to not eating a lot." Bucky couldn't remember if HYDRA actually fed him anything. It was just thaw, mission, memory wipe, repeat.

"Sorry, yeah I'm probably worrying too much." Steve chuckled. 

"It might take me a while to get used to this." 

"I know, Buck. I want to help you. That's another thing I wanted to talk about. I want to help you adjust to modern life. But I feel like we are just growing more distant. Maybe it's because you don't remember anything that well, or because you're not comfortable around me anymore. If I did something wrong, I'm so sorry Bucky. And if it's-" 

"Stop talking. You're putting thoughts in your head that aren't true." Bucky paused, taking in a deep breath. 

"I'm scared of what I might do to you if... If something wakes it up again." Bucky gazed at his metal apendage. He didn't trust it. 

"Bucky, you could never hurt me, okay?" Steve put his hand on the metal one, moving it and lacing their fingers together. 

Bucky felt like he was having a panick attack, but not entirely. It was unpleasant- but it wasn't a feeling he wanted to last. So he tore his hand away. 

"Sorry, Bucky. I went to far." Steve backed as far as he could on the bed without it being too obvious. But the assassin was observant and felt the bed shift. 

"No, it's fine. I- I think I was having a panic attack, but I'm fine." He explained, hating when Steve felt guilty. 

"Oh, you sure?" Bucky nodded. "That's good. So... oh, yeah. I wanted to ask you if you- since we're growing distant- I was wondering if you wanted to go out somewhere?" Bucky didn't answer, just gave Steve a confused, but mostly worried expression. 

"Shit- too soon. I didn't think. I know you probably don't wanna go out in case something were to happen." Steve looked down at his hands. 

Here Captain America was, acting like a 15 year old asking his crush out on a date. He was nervous and Bucky felt responsible. He wanted to disappear. 

"It's fine, Steve. We could go out..." Bucky wasn't sure he wanted to. He didn't sound certain either. 

"No, I don't wanna force anything on you. We could stay in and watch a movie if you want? Or- or do something like when we were younger. You always liked to see my drawings, I could show you some?" Steve suggested. 

"Or if you don't want to waste time with me, that's fine too." He added, his voice sending sadness into Bucky. 

"I'd love to see your drawings."


	10. Ten

Memories started to flood Bucky at the sight of the drawings.

Steve managed to get ahold of some of his old sketch books from the 40's. The paper was tattered and faded and the book wasnt in good shape, but the drawings still looked amazing.

One drawing really stood out. It was of 30's Bucky sleeping. Steve was reluctant to share, but ended up presenting it anyways.

Another was of 30's Bucky laughing. Bucky wanted to laugh like that again. He didn't think he remembered how to laugh.

Then Steve flipped the page, going to flip another before Bucky stopped him.

"I remember this." He spoke, pointing to a drawing of himself looking thoughtful at a book. "You made me hold that pose for almost two hours. It wasn't even a good book." A faint smile ghosted Bucky's face at the memory.

"Yeah, you were always asking when you could move." Steve too, smiled at the drawing, it growing wider as he gazed at Bucky's drawn up lips. 

"And you were always so patient. You are now. I'm so greatful you're patient with me."

"I'll be patient forever, even if I get the smallest portion of you back."

☆

The two spent hours reminiscing about the past. And it helped Bucky a whole lot.

His memory was coming back, and clearer now. But there was always the anxiety. The gnawing thought that with a few simple words, Bucky would turn back into the Winter Soldier.

Bucky still felt unsafe, still in edge, but being around Steve was better than being alone.

But Bucky still had nightmares.

They tormented him through the night, making him scared to close his eyes.

"I'm going off to bed, Bucky. Do you need anything before I do?" Steve spoke. The two were sitting on the couch, watching a bit of tv.

"No, thank you, Steve. Goodnight." Bucky wanted a hug though. But he didn't say anything.

Steve smiled a bit and nodded, turning and walking down the hall towards his room.

It was only a few minutes before Bucky decided he'd try to sleep. But he was afraid.

He crept down the same hallway, turning and entering the room that was his for the time being.

Being reluctant to fall asleep, Bucky sat on his bed for a moment, thinking about Steve.

Bucky knew that what he was feeling now towards Steve was affection.

That was normal, of course, to feel affectionate to your best friend, but a little whisper in the back of his brain told him it was more than just that.

But even if it was true, and Bucky acknowledged it, Steve was with Sharron, and was happy with her.

Bucky didn't want to upset Steve.

Decided he had done enough thinking for the night, he lay down on his side.

Taking a few deep breaths, Bucky pulled the blankets up to his neck, and closed his eyes.

☆

"You're wasting everyone's time."

"Worhless."

"HYDRA will come for you anyways. Why should I care what happens to you now?"

An image of Steve towering over Bucky consumed him. He felt himself crying as Steve degraded him, spitting insults.

"Steve, please! It hurts!" Bucky shouted but no sound escaped his lips.

A chourus of "Hail Hydra" echoed everywhere, drowing out all sound, except a thundering gunshot.

Steve was replaced by a dead Aiandama lay on the floor, blood leaking down the walls and to her body. The Winter Soldier stood, holding the gun that delivered her death.

Bucky couldn't move, the two words bouncing around.

A wail of despair finally escaped his lips.

The sound of a door bursting open caused Bucky to jolt awake, tears and fear dripping out of him.

"Bucky! Oh my god," Steve. Normal, sweet Steve. "I heard you scream and I- oh god." Bucky couldn't stop the sob that escaped his lips.

"S-Steve," he choked out, latching onto the man. "I can't. I can't sleep without these nightmares happening. I need you, Steve." Bucky couldn't stop crying.

"I'm here. I'm here Bucky and I'm not leaving you." Steve held the broken man in his arms, softly rubbing his backs until the sobs simply turned into heavy breathing.

"I got nightmares, too. After I got out of the ice, then again after you fished me out of the river." Steve paused. "I couldn't stop imagining the things they did to you. But you're here now and sometimes I think it's a dream."

"I don't want to loose you ever again. I'm going to protect you this time. Till the end of the line."


	11. Eleven

Bucky fell asleep in Steve's arms that night, with no more nightmares.

Two days have passed since then. Steve suggested they share a bed, hoping that would help with the nightmares, and it did.

And Steve broke up with Sharon. She said she knew it was bound to happen and that his heart wasn't with her in the first place.

Little did Bucky know, Steve was going through the same set of emotions.

☆

"Morning, Bucky. You sleep well?" Steve smiled as Bucky appeared in the living room, rubbing one eye while pushing his hair back.

"Yeah. Kind of scared me, when I woke up and you weren't there." Bucky admitted softly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Buck. I just have something planned for today and so I got up a bit early."

"No need to apologize, Steve. I knew you'd still be here."

"You're talking and smiling more. That's good." Steve changed the subject, smiling widely.

"Yeah... Yeah, I guess I am. It's because of you, Steve. You're helping me a lot." Bucky looked at the ground for a moment.

"I'm glad I help." Steve paused. "And I was wondering, the team was going to hang out today, and I think you could meet them all? Only if you want to, of course."

"Oh. Is it okay with them?" Bucky didn't want to intrude.

"Of course. I talked to them already." Bucky wondered when Steve did that.

"Then... sure. I guess I could meet them." Bucky still spoke with uncertainty in his voice.

"Don't worry, they're all pretty nice. And I won't leave your side unless you want me too." Steve insisted.

"Alright."

☆

"This is Avengers Tower." Bucky gawked at the size of the tower, yeah, it was big from far away, but up close... that was a whole different story.

"It's... amazing." Steve smiled at Bucky's reaction.

"Let's go inside then." Steve lead the way inside, going straight for the elevator that required a password.

As soon as the two stepped inside, a voice spoke.

"Good evening, Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes. Stark has been waiting."

"Sorry, we're late." Steve chuckled.

"What..." Bucky was considerably confused.

"That's Jarvis. He basically runs the place. He's Tony's advanced artificial intelligence."

Bucky's expression spoke that he was amazed.

The elevator opened to the top floor, and the pair stepped out. Music was playing quietly in the background, and four people were sitting around a table, talking.

"I'm pretty sure the old folks home party is downstairs." Tony joked, pulling Steve into a hug.

"Hey, Tony." Steve smiled at his friend. Bucky liked seeing Steve smile. The way his eyes glistened when he did was captivating.

"Hello to you too, James. I'm glad we can hang out again in a lighter situation. How's your leg?" Tony grinned.

"It's fine."

"Good to hear."

"Let's go meet the others." Steve prompted. Bucky followed close behind, stuck to Steve. He was nervous as hell. He was afraid that something inside him would snap and the Winter Soldier would take over. He also feared they would only see him as an assassin.

"Evening, Cap," a woman greeted. "Hello, James." Bucky didn't know who she was, but her face had some familiarity with it. "Yeah, I didn't expect you to remember me."

"I'm sorry."

"No, no. It's fine. We didn't meet under the best circumstances." She chuckled. "I'm Natasha." She held out her hand for Bucky to shake but instead stared blankly at it until she put her hand down. Natasha shrugged.

Bucky looked around the room, feeling guilt washing over him. He felt everyone's eyes on him, making him want to disappear.

If 30's Bucky was here, he would have gladly shaken Natasha's hand, and maybe even flirted with her. He would enjoy the attention.

"Greetings Barnes! I am Thor." A tall, muscular blond man stood in front of Bucky, a smile plastered on his face. Bucky felt very small. 

"I'm Clint." Another voice spoke from the background. Bucky peered around the large mass that was Thor. 

And finally, Bucky noticed the last person in the room, sitting next to Natasha. It was only when she nudged him did he talk. "I- I um, I'm Bruce." He was clearly uncomfortable with Bucky in the room. 

And that's what Bucky feared. He hated the terror in the eyes of the people he encountered who accidentally see the arm or others who happen to know who the Winter Soldier was, but were too afraid to report a sighting. Bucky was sick of it. 

But he stayed silent. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. He was afraid of getting on the bad side of anyone here. That would be bad for Steve. 

Finally, Steve said something. "You want anything to drink, Buck?" He asked, his voice soft and comforting. Bucky nodded, moving wordlessly to follow Steve towards where Bucky assumed was a kitchen or something. 

"Just water is fine." Bucky's voice was quiet and unsure. Steve filled a glass with it and handed it to the brunette. "I don't think your friends like me." 

"Hey, Bucky, no. They just- they just don't know the real you. They'll come around and they'll like you, Bucky. They need time to get to know the real you." Steve pulled Bucky close to his chest, wrapping his arms around him. 

Bucky set his glass of water down on the nearest surface, hugging Steve back. Bucky's heart rate elevated whenever Steve hugged him. It was like fireworks going off in his gut.

"I don't want to force you to do anything, but we could hang out with them more, and you could talk to them and they could become your friends." 

"Thank you, Steve," Bucky whispered, taking deep breaths. He really didn't want to cry. The two pulled out of the embrace, both sides rather reluctant at that. "I'm ready to go back out." 

Steve gave a little half-smile, walking out of the kitchen and back to the group, Bucky not hiding behind him as much. The short talk got him feeling better. 

Steve went to sit down on an empty couch, and Bucky did the same, but not sitting too close to Steve, as to not seem clingy to the others.

"Alright, so you're all probably wondering why I assembled you here." Tony grinned. "You all have seemed to forgotten." 

Natasha's face was blank for a moment before she groaned. "What's the date?"

"My birthday!"

"Of fucking course." 

"Of course we forgot, Stark! You always throw extravagant parties with paparazzi crawling everywhere." Thor pointed out. 

"Yeah, well, this year it's just gonna be close friends. And I knew Steve was going to want James to come so it's gonna be chill this year." Tony smirked. 

Bucky was touched that Stark thought of him, but also guilty. Tony seemed to like big parties, and now Bucky felt like he was ruining that. 

"So let's get this party going then! I'll fetch the refreshments, you all sit tight." And with that Tony was off to somewhere, Bruce trailed after him. He didn't seem like the partying type and was still wary of Bucky being there.

"So, Steve? How are things with Sharon?" Clint asked, a grin on his face. 

"Well, I broke up with her last night," Steve admitted. This stunned the whole group, especially Bucky. Steve seemed to adore her. "I guess a lot of stuff happened and I don't think I'm in the right place anymore for a relationship. She was fine with it, and said she didn't think my heart was with her in the first place." 

Bucky felt responsible. He knew he was "a lot of stuff happened," and he felt like trash because of it. 

"That sucks, Steve. Sorry." 

"No, it's fine. I didn't think she was really the one for me." Steve smiled a little, but Bucky could tell he was a bit sad now. Bucky didn't want Steve to be sad. 

"So," A voice proclaimed. "My finest collection of alcoholic beverages." Tony appeared again with a tray of alcohol and glasses. 

Tony set the tray down and proceeded to pour a drink for himself. Clint and Natasha both smiled widely before doing the same. And then Thor simply grabbed the bottle of vodka and drank it like water.

"Poor Steve and Bucky. Since you have the serum, you can't get drunk, right." Natasha sighed. Steve shrugged, the smile returning to his face. 

"Guess we'll just have to babysit."

☆

Two hours later, Tony was passed out on a couch, Thor had left to go sleep, and Clint and Natasha were wasted to the point of not really being conscious, so it was basically only Steve and Bucky left. Tony was funny when drunk though. 

"Hey, Bucky? We can leave now if you want. Jarvis will keep an eye on them." Steve spoke. 

"Ok. I'm kind of tired anyway." Bucky agreed, smiling at Steve a little. Steve smiled back and stood up, stretching a bit. Bucky followed and the two walked to the elevator, and soon were out in the cold night air. 

It wasn't until they were almost home that Steve realized he left his jacket at the tower. 

"Crap... um, I don't have my jacket. I'm gonna run back and get it okay? You fine walking the rest of the way on your own? The apartment is right around the corner." Steve asked. 

Bucky wasn't so sure, but he didn't want to annoy Steve, so he nodded. "Yeah, that's fine. Be back soon though. Steve smiled before turning around and jogging off towards the tower once more. 

Bucky steadied his breathing before starting to walk towards the apartment when he saw the name of the street. 

This was the street where Bucky and Steve's old apartment was. Now that Bucky thought about it, it made sense. It made sense why Steve wasn't living in the tower with the rest of the Avengers. Steve was living in their old apartment. 

It almost brought Bucky to tears at the thought. Steve remembered after all these years. 

Bucky knew exactly where to go from there. It was only a minute more before he was inside the apartment. Steve had told Bucky where the spare key was just in case.

By this time Bucky was growing more and more tired, so he stripped out of his clothes. But all of his t-shirts were dirty, so to Steve's closet, it was. Hopefully, he didn't mind. Bucky pulled on his own sweatpants and started looking. In the very back of the closet, he found a faded t-shirt with Steve's shield design on it. 

Bucky smiled at that and pulled the shirt over his head. Yawning, Bucky decided he would try and sleep without Steve there until he got back. Maybe the shirt would help because it was Steve's. 

Steve had a huge bed, so that's where the two had been sleeping for the past few nights, so Bucky crawled under the covers of Steve's bed, pulling the blanket up to his neck and closing his eyes.

☆

It was a surprisingly long time before a nightmare woke Bucky up. This one wasn't as bad as some, but bad enough he woke himself up.

Usually, Bucky would hold Steve's hand, trying not to wake him up until Bucky fell back asleep, but there was one problem. Bucky glanced at the clock on Steve's nightstand. It read 3:48 am. Bucky and Steve left around 11 pm.

And Steve still wasn't back.


	12. Twelve

"First off, we need to find out where exactly Steve is. That's the difficult part. We also can't let anyone else know about this. If the press finds out, a story will be released and then Hydra will make it much more difficult to find Steve." Natasha reasoned. She was about to open her mouth again when the doors to the room they were in burst open. 

"What's going on- what the hell is he doing here?" The man Steve presumed was Sam pointed at him. Sam sounded angry and confused, and a tad bit scared that an infamous assassin was sitting here at a table with the Avengers. 

"Because he has every right to be. Sit down, Sam." Natasha defended Bucky, a bit annoyed she was interrupted. Sam sat down across from Bucky, not so secretly casting glances as if Bucky would suddenly pull out a gun and kill everyone at the table. 

"Long story short, Steve was kidnapped by Hydra. We are making our genius plan to get him back." Natasha explained. 

"Does he have something to do with this?" Now Sam was angry. "He's Hydra's little pet! He has to have something to do with this!" Sam was standing once again, gesturing at Bucky.

"Shut up and sit down, Sam!" Natasha snapped. "Or I'll have Thor put his hammer on your foot." Sam sat down, still fuming. "James has nothing to do with this. Hyrda's been after Steve ever since he defeated Red Skull." 

"He's right," Bucky spoke up suddenly. " Hydra is after me. They killed my friend in Estonia, and now they've taken Steve, hoping I'll turn myself in. It's all my fault." 

"No, James. It is not your fault. Steve wanted you here. If he thought something bad was going to happen if you were here with him, he would have hidden you away." It was Clint's turn to come to Bucky's defense.

"It doesn't matter if it was your fault or not, cause we're going to get Cap back anyways." Thor grinned, twirling Mjolnir. 

"Now if we're done playing the blame game, let's actually work on saving Steve." Natasha glared at everyone. "We need to figure out how we are going to find Steve." 

"Simple. Kidnap a Hydra agent. I can make them talk." Thor set the hammer down on the table. 

"It could work. We'll need eyes and ear out in the city and surrounding areas. Tony, have anything we could use?" Natasha turned to Tony, who was slouched over in his chair, staring blankly at the ground. 

"Yeah. It's for the tower's security, but we could spread them around the city." Tony lifted his head, his voice a bit hoarse. "I have microbots with cameras I developed we can place around the city. We can also hear every conversation. They're virtually undetectable and blend it to any surface." He explained.

"Is there any way the bots can alert us if anyone says Hail Hydra? Can you program that into the bots? Because there is no way we can manage a whole city at once." Clint put in. 

"Jarvis is connected to all the bots. He can alert us, and we could also make the bots tag anyone who says Hydra, and especially hail Hydra." 

Bucky felt a glimmer of hope wash through him. At this rate, Bucky was sure they could get Steve back. 

☆

"Only Clint, Sam, and I are going to deploy the bots. The rest of you need to stay here and watch for when the bots are online, and for any suspicious activity while we are setting up." Natasha spoke, pulling on a jacket and baseball cap. Bucky didn't really know how a simple hat is an adequate disguise.

The bots worked in groups. A tiny container was stuck to a wall and a code entered, then the container would release the bots, and beep when finished.

Tony currently has twenty-four containers, so each person would set up eight of them in their assigned sections. Eighteen containers all across Manhatten, three in busy parts of Brooklyn, and three in busy parts of Queens.

"We'll be back in a few hours," Clint double checked they had everything. Bucky looked at them, feeling a mix of emotions. He had hope that this would work, but he had his doubts. He wanted to believe was Natasha said, but he couldn't help the growing concern Steve's time was coming to an end. 

Natasha moved closer to Bucky, pulling him into a hug. "We'll get him back. Don't worry." She assured. Bucky hugged her back, resting his chin on her head and closing his eyes for a moment before she broke away. 

Bucky was starting to slowly build up trust with Natasha. She wasn't afraid of him, stood up for him, and hugged him. 

"We better get going. Time is precious." Clint spoke again, leading the way out of the tower. Bucky watched the three of them leave, anxiety building up with every step they took.


	13. Thirteen

"First off, we need to find out where exactly Steve is. That's the difficult part. We also can't let anyone else know about this. If the press finds out, a story will be released and then Hydra will make it much more difficult to find Steve." Natasha reasoned. She was about to open her mouth again when the doors to the room they were in burst open. 

"What's going on- what the hell is he doing here?" The man Steve presumed was Sam pointed at him. Sam sounded angry and confused, and a tad bit scared that an infamous assassin was sitting here at a table with the Avengers. 

"Because he has every right to be. Sit down, Sam." Natasha defended Bucky, a bit annoyed she was interrupted. Sam sat down across from Bucky, not so secretly casting glances as if Bucky would suddenly pull out a gun and kill everyone at the table. 

"Long story short, Steve was kidnapped by Hydra. We are making our genius plan to get him back." Natasha explained. 

"Does he have something to do with this?" Now Sam was angry. "He's Hydra's little pet! He has to have something to do with this!" Sam was standing once again, gesturing at Bucky.

"Shut up and sit down, Sam!" Natasha snapped. "Or I'll have Thor put his hammer on your foot." Sam sat down, still fuming. "James has nothing to do with this. Hyrda's been after Steve ever since he defeated Red Skull." 

"He's right," Bucky spoke up suddenly. " Hydra is after me. They killed my friend in Estonia, and now they've taken Steve, hoping I'll turn myself in. It's all my fault." 

"No, James. It is not your fault. Steve wanted you here. If he thought something bad was going to happen if you were here with him, he would have hidden you away." It was Clint's turn to come to Bucky's defense.

"It doesn't matter if it was your fault or not, cause we're going to get Cap back anyways." Thor grinned, twirling Mjolnir. 

"Now if we're done playing the blame game, let's actually work on saving Steve." Natasha glared at everyone. "We need to figure out how we are going to find Steve." 

"Simple. Kidnap a Hydra agent. I can make them talk." Thor set the hammer down on the table. 

"It could work. We'll need eyes and ear out in the city and surrounding areas. Tony, have anything we could use?" Natasha turned to Tony, who was slouched over in his chair, staring blankly at the ground. 

"Yeah. It's for the tower's security, but we could spread them around the city." Tony lifted his head, his voice a bit hoarse. "I have microbots with cameras I developed we can place around the city. We can also hear every conversation. They're virtually undetectable and blend it to any surface." He explained.

"Is there any way the bots can alert us if anyone says Hail Hydra? Can you program that into the bots? Because there is no way we can manage a whole city at once." Clint put in. 

"Jarvis is connected to all the bots. He can alert us, and we could also make the bots tag anyone who says Hydra, and especially hail Hydra." 

Bucky felt a glimmer of hope wash through him. At this rate, Bucky was sure they could get Steve back. 

☆

"Only Clint, Sam, and I are going to deploy the bots. The rest of you need to stay here and watch for when the bots are online, and for any suspicious activity while we are setting up." Natasha spoke, pulling on a jacket and baseball cap. Bucky didn't really know how a simple hat is an adequate disguise.

The bots worked in groups. A tiny container was stuck to a wall and a code entered, then the container would release the bots, and beep when finished.

Tony currently has twenty-four containers, so each person would set up eight of them in their assigned sections. Eighteen containers all across Manhatten, three in busy parts of Brooklyn, and three in busy parts of Queens.

"We'll be back in a few hours," Clint double checked they had everything. Bucky looked at them, feeling a mix of emotions. He had hope that this would work, but he had his doubts. He wanted to believe was Natasha said, but he couldn't help the growing concern Steve's time was coming to an end. 

Natasha moved closer to Bucky, pulling him into a hug. "We'll get him back. Don't worry." She assured. Bucky hugged her back, resting his chin on her head and closing his eyes for a moment before she broke away. 

Bucky was starting to slowly build up trust with Natasha. She wasn't afraid of him, stood up for him, and hugged him. 

"We better get going. Time is precious." Clint spoke again, leading the way out of the tower. Bucky watched the three of them leave, anxiety building up with every step they took.


	14. Fourteen

"Containers one through eighteen have been placed." Natasha's voice came in through one of the bots. "Conformation?"

"Yeah... yeah. Got it. Check back in when you've finished the rest of the bots." Tony replied. "We'll tell you if we hear anything." 

They had been gone for a little over an hour and they've made lightning-quick work of this task. Everyone was waiting anxiously for anything at all to hint towards where Steve was. 

Bucky was still beyond stressed and in disarray, but he told himself to stop crying and try and do anything to help. He needed to be strong for Steve. 

Tony was hunched over in his chair in front of the many screens that made up all the active bots, his eyes furiously dancing across the display. Bucky walked up to him and placed his flesh hand gently on the billionaire's shoulder.

Tony jumped a little and looked back at Bucky. Tony looked like shit, although Bucky probably did too, and Bucky finally realized how much this was affecting Tony as well. 

From what Bucky gathered, Tony liked to party, seemed sarcastic, and cold sometimes, but he cared. He cared deeply about Steve.

Bucky wanted to let Tony know he was feeling the same way, and that he was there for him, but he couldn't figure out how to.  So he just retracted his hand in place for an empathetic look, hoping it would be somewhat of a comfort. 

☆

It was probably another three hours or so before Natasha's voice came through the speakers once more. "Alright, Tony, are they up?"

"Congratulations. You did it, so now we sit back and wait for something. Hurry back." Tony sounded exhausted. It truly was stressful, even if they weren't the ones out setting up the bots. Everyone was waiting for a signal from Jarvis and monitoring the displays to protect Natasha, Clint, and Sam from any potential danger. 

"On our way." She responded. Bucky looked across the screens. Memories came back. He saw the apartment, always where he saved Steve from getting beat too badly. But then he saw things that weren't there anymore. Like the theatre, Steve and he went to on rare occasions, such as one of their birthdays or if Bucky saved up some money for a movie. 

The memories quickly became painful as he thought about never being able to see a movie with Steve again. We're going to get him back, don't worry. He told himself. Bucky decided he would ask Steve if they could go to a movie together when Steve was back and safe. 

Four heads then turned at the sound of footsteps then followed by the door opening. "What's going on?" Bucky was facing Sharon Carter. 

"Why are you here?" Tony asked, sounding the slightest bit agitated. 

"I tried to call Steve to ask when I should drop off his spare apartment key, but he didn't answer, so I decided I would just go put it in his apartment but when I opened the door, the apartment was trashed." She explained. "So I wondered if he was here." 

"How did you even get up here?" Tony was confused, slowly getting more and more ticked off. 

"Your AI let me in."

"Steve was kidnapped by Hydra. That's what's going on." Bucky spoke softly. He hated saying it out loud. It was admitting that there was a chance they wouldn't get Steve back. In one piece at least.

Sharon looked like the others had. The wide eyes like a deer in headlights, the discoloration of the face, and soon the panic would set in. "How?" She asked. "And... and why?"

"It doesn't matter how and why it happened. All that matters right now is that we get him back, so if you're not going to help, then you can leave." Tony snapped at her. 

"I'm going to help. Steve needs me." Sharon decided. At that moment Bucky had the insatiable urge to punch Sharon in the face with the metal arm. Tony must be feeling the same way, due to the clenching and unclenching of his fists. 

"How are you planning on finding him?" Sharon stood next to Tony's chair, looking at the screens. 

"Our plan is already in action. I'll inform you when you are needed." Tony's words were like sandpaper. Bucky understood it was annoying for her to barge in and act like she was vital for this operation. She isn't. 

"What are we even looking for? All these cameras seem a bit unnecessary." She pointed out. 

Tony took a deep breath. "All these cameras are microbots. Jarvis is connected to them and he'll alert us if anyone in the range of any of these cameras says hail Hydra, then one of them will attach to the person and send out a tracking signal and we're hoping they will take us to where they are keeping Steve, or we kidnap them and they tell us." 

"So how long do you think it's going to take?"

☆

There was a sense of slight relief when Natasha, Clint, and Sam returned. 

"What's Carter doing here?" Natasha asked. Sharon was about to answer when Tony cut her off. 

"Good question." He glared at the screens. 

"There isn't anything useful yet." Bucky averted from the topic of Sharon. Clint nodded in acknowledgment, then turned to Tony. 

"You look like shit." He mused at Tony. "Go get some rest. You too, Barnes. We can take care of things for now and tell you when Jarvis picks up on anything. You both seem exausted and I'm pretty sure you two are taking the hardest hit from this."

Bucky stayed silent, but he half expected Tony to protest, but he went willingly. Bucky followed behind him, looking at what he could see of the tower on their way to the elevator. 

The elevator took them up a few floors then opened its door to a floor that looked like a home. There was a kitchen, and a couch facing a tv, and a hallway that lead to what Bucky guessed were bedrooms.

Tony walked into the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of some alcohol and sat down at the counter on the other side of the hole in the kitchen wall. Bucky didn't want to leave Tony alone, but Bucky was tired.

But he wanted to do something. He walked up behind Tony and wrapped his arms around the shorter man. He felt Tony tense, but not jerk away. "I know it's hard. But we need to be strong. For Steve." Bucky whispered then pulled away, going to look for a bed to sleep in. 

He walked down the hallway. There were three rooms on each side, so Bucky just opened the first door and was hit with a wave of nostalgia. The room was rather plain, but there was something so familiar to Bucky. 

There was a desk in the room with a cup filled with pencils and pens and erasers. When Bucky looked around the room he saw a picture frame. It was one with multiple slots for different photos. There was a picture of a girl Bucky couldn't quite remember. Steve liked her though.

Then there was a picture of the team. They looked happy but injured as if they had just won a difficult fight. 

There was a picture of Tony smiling, and it looked genuine, and a picture of Sam. 

Then there was a drawing of Bucky. It looked recent because of the long hair, and the paper wasn't weathered. Next to that was a photo of Steve and Bucky when they were at Coney Island. They both changed so much.

Bucky stifled a yawn as he picked up the frame, carefully extracting the photo of him and Steve. He cradled it in his hands, then held it to his chest, feelings threating to pour out. He walked back to lay down on the bed. 

He held the photo in the metal arm and held tight as to not let go in his sleep. 

It felt like mere seconds when Natasha woke Bucky up, but according to the clock next to the bed, it had been about two hours. 

"We have a lead."


	15. Fifteen

"We have a lead."

For a moment Bucky thought he was dreaming. He sat up, the photo still clamped tightly in his grip. He decided to put in back in the frame. Steve would want it when he got back. 

"Get dressed and meet us up there," Natasha commented. Only then did Bucky realize that he was still wearing sweatpants and the t-shirt. Bucky nodded, a bit embarrassed. 

Natasha left the room and Bucky assumed he could just borrow the clothes Steve had in this room. He switched out the sweatpants for a pair of black jeans, and simply pulled a sweatshirt over the t-shirt. The jeans fit a little weird, but they weren't too uncomfortable. 

 Bucky was about to leave the room when he heard Natasha's voice again. "Are you drunk?" She asked- well, Tony, Bucky presumed. Natasha sounded a bit upset. "You should have been resting, but you finished this whole bottle instead?"

Bucky cracked open the door, debating on whether or not to just walk past them, intervene, or stay and listen. He when with the latter. 

"Tony, I know this is hard for you, but doing this... you're acting like you don't care. Being drunk doesn't help anyone, let alone Steve." Natasha lectured.

"You have no idea how much I care!" Tony suddenly spoke up, his voice a slur.

"If you cared, you wouldn't be drunk right now. You would have gotten some rest like requested." She spat. "You're hurting yourself."

"You wouldn't understand how this feels! To be stripped of the one thing you love most in life! I'm in love with Steve. But now he's gone." Tony was breathing heavily. "And even if we get him back... it won't matter." His voice broke.

"Because I'm only a second choice, now that James is back. Steve will always pick him over me in a heartbeat." Tony continued. Bucky barely heard the last sentence above the overwhelming guilt replacing his blood and flooding his veins.

"Fine then. Come talk to me when you're sober. We need to discuss some things." Natasha lowered her voice. "Come on, James."

Bucky became embarrassed once more, the guilt still prominent. But Bucky hadn't done anything wrong.

But then Bucky thought about what Tony said.

Did that mean Steve liked Bucky?

☆

"We're tracking them now. Nat, Sam, and Clint, I'd hurry up and get ready." Bruce advised. Bucky didn't take him as the leader type, but drastic times call for drastic measures.

"I want to go with you." Bucky requested.

"No." They spoke in unison.

"It's too dangerous. Someone could recognize the Winter Soldier and that wouldn't be good. Also, Hydra would be expecting you to show your face." Clint reasoned.

"You can torture the shit out if the Hydra agent when we get them back though." Sam agreed.

"But find out where Steve is first." Natasha put in. Bucky frowned in response but nodded anyway.

"It's gonna be long and tricky trying to get them back here," Clint grumbled, checking the tracking device in his hand.

"Just take the quinjet." A voice interjected. Pairs of eyes gazed upon Tony.

"Tony, you're drunk. You don't get an opinion." Natasha pointed out.

"No... it's risky. But it could work. Quickly extract the target and quickly fly back. Easy." Bruce reasoned.

"You'll be out of there before anyone could stop you." Thor grinned.

"Yeah. It leaves less room for error." Bucky wanted to feel part of the conversation.

"But if we do get noticed- which we will- then we'll have the government crawling up our asses. Which could possibly lead to  someone finding out we have James, and we don't exactly have the convincing powers of Steve." Natasha countered. "But if getting Steve as soon as possible is a higher priority, then fine. We'll take the jet." 

"Take it." Bucky and Tony pleaded in unison. They simply glanced at each other, tension growing. Bucky felt weird around Tony now, feeling responsible for the man's distress, and that he felt as if he could never be with Steve.

But Bucky didn't want Tony to be with Steve.

☆

"About sixty seconds to target. Get ready." Bruce spoke into the earpiece. They had all eventually settled on the jet, it having a better chance of success that outweighed the risk. In the end, they figured that getting Steve as soon as possible was better.

Everyone was waiting, watching. But this was only step one. Step two was getting information on where Steve even was, then making a solid rescue plan, then actually attempting a rescue.

Since the first alert from Jarvis, there were two more tags which were being closely monitored by the AI and their locations recorded.

"You're right above the target. Get ready, try not to be spotted." Bruce commanded. To actually take down the target, they decided to use an anesthetic dart gun to knock the target out, then Natasha was to collect the target and then everyone would come back to the base for interrogation.

"Wait a moment, they're heading towards a house. Tag the location?" Clint recommended, lining up his shot. 

"Got it. Fire at will." Bruce sighed. Everyone held their breath, waiting for a signal. There were a few moments of suffocating silence before a voice crackled over the speakers. 

"On our way back with the target." 

 ☆

"We're just waiting for them to wake up. It's a woman, looks to be  in her early twenties." Natasha reported. "And we checked her fingerprint and everything else, but there was nothing. Not even a name."

Step one was successful, and that gave them hope. They were just a few steps away from Steve. Natasha, Clint, and Sam were all down in the holding cell with the girl, still communicating through an earpiece. 

"I'm bored." Sam groaned. "I'm gonna try and wake her up, this is just wasting time." Sam was heard taking a few steps before a small slap sounded, followed by another before a groan. "There we are. Good morning, sunshine." Sam snarked. 

"I was fine with waiting." Natasha sighed. "Bring James down here now I guess." Bucky was anxious. He didn't want to snap and kill the girl. Even after they get information. Bucky was done with killing if he could help it. Tony gave Bucky the elevator password and he slowly made his way down.

It felt like hours until the doors slid open. The basement of the tower was like a prison, although it was only meant to house threats for a short period of time. He spotted Natasha standing right outside the cell, leaning against the wall, waiting for him. 

"Clint and Sam are in the cell. They haven't gotten anything out of her and we're hoping you could get something." Natasha opened the door. Clint was leaning against the wall while Sam was sitting on the floor in front of the girl. Her head was down and her hair covering her face.

Sam stood up. "Good luck." He spoke and left the cell, waiting outside with Natasha. Clint decided to stay and watch from the corner. 

Bucky took a deep breath before speaking. "а ты говоришь по русски? (Do you speak Russian?)" He asked her. She nodded a little, pointing at Clint. 

"Из. (Out.)" She demanded. Bucky turned to Clint. 

"She um... she wants you out. Just stand outside the door. Ill come right out if anything goes wrong. Or come in if anything is too quiet." Bucky spoke. Clint shrugged and left, closing the door behind him. 

"Как тебя зовут? (What is your name?)" He asked her. He couldn't see her face, but it twisted up into a sadistic smile at his words. 

"Вы знаете мое имя. Kuidas läheb, Bucky? (You know my name. How are you, Bucky?)" She lifted her head. 


	16. Sixteen

It couldn't be. She was dead. Bucky thought he must be dreaming because he saw her dead on the floor that day. 

She laughed. "Мы следили за тобой некоторое время, но казалось, что ты поселишься и умрешь в Эстонии, но потом ты хотел уехать. Мы просто не можем, чтобы ты бродил по миру, если бы он не работал на нас. (We've been tracking you for a while, but it seemed you would settle and die in Estonia, but then you wanted to leave. We simply can't have you roaming around the world if it weren't working for us.)" Aiandama explained. "Итак, чтобы убить двух зайцев одним выстрелом, мы устроили мою смерть, а вы убежали. Мы расстреляли станцию, пытаясь привлечь внимание вашего капитана-американца, и это сработало отлично. Теперь у нас есть вы оба. (So to kill two birds with one stone, we set up my death and you scampered away. We shot up the station trying to capture the attention of your Captain American and it worked perfectly. Now we have you both.)" 

Bucky knew he needed to leave the room. He needed to alert someone. He needed to run. But he couldn't. She had him in a state of such deep shock it rooted him to the ground. 

"Теперь давайте отсюда, ладно? (Now, let's get out of here, shall we?)" Aiandama smiled, whispering something under her breath before looking to Bucky. "Тоска. Ржавый. Семнадцать." Bucky didn't realize what she was doing before he felt something crawling up his spine and planting itself in his brain. "Утренняя. печь. девять." 

"Shut up!" Bucky screamed, reaching for the door once he felt his head start to throb painfully. 

"Доброкачественная. Возвращение домой. Один." Bucky got the door open a little too late. "Грузовой вагон." 

Then it was over. Bucky was enveloped in darkness, his scream not reaching the surface. Natasha, Clint, and Sam entered the cell, confusion showing on their faces. The Winter Soldier quietly removed Aiandama's restraints. 

"James, what are you doing?" Natasha snapped, grabbing his flesh arm. 

"Вытащи меня отсюда. (Get me out of here.)" Aiandama spoke, now standing behind the soldier. 

"James!" Natasha shook the soldier's arm. He looked down at her hand, before grabbing it with the metal hand and thrusting her towards the wall. Just as the soldier was raising his arm to land a hit on Natasha again, Clint and Sam pulled him back before it could connect.

Aiandama socked Sam in the jaw, stunning him momentarily. She took the opening and ran. The soldier went limp. "What the hell?" Natasha spat at him. 

"I'm going after the girl." Clint let go of the soldier's arm, running down the hallway before cursing was heard and Clint running back to the cell. "She busted the elevator open. We need to go and get her." 

Sam let go of the soldier's other arm and within a split second, the soldier was racing towards the elevator. The password panel was busted and the doors were wide open when the soldier entered the elevator. He pressed the ground floor button and the elevator rose just before Natasha, Clint, or Sam could reach it. 

☆

The soldier met Aiandama outside the building. "Поехали. Они идут за нами, пока мы говорим. Там нет времени, чтобы тратить. (Let's go. They're coming for us as we speak. There is no time to waste.)" She spoke. The soldier nodded in reply and they started running. 

Two times they saw the jet circling their location, but they made sure to hide from the view of the Avengers. 

They ran for a while before Aiandama stopped in front of a house. She walked up the steps to the door and knocked three times. An old lady opened the door, peering at the two. Aiandama smiled at her and the old lady smiled back, inviting them inside the house. 

At the back of the house, there were two guards stationed at either side of a door. Aiandama approached the door, nodding at the two guards. They opened the door for her and she and the soldier walked through. 

There was a large set of stairs on the other side of the door that lead down to a door with a fingerprint scanner on it. The door unlocked for Aiandama and they continued down a hallway to a door with another fingerprint scanner and two more guards, and then they were inside the Hydra base. 

Aiandama lead the soldier to an office. She knocked briskly on the door and it slid open rather reluctantly. Then a gasp sounded. "Oh my. Oh wow, you got him!" A man stood there, his eyes wide in excitement. "Спасибо, Aiandama. Об этом будет сообщено вашему командиру. Ожидайте, что хорошие вещи будут на вашем пути. (Thank you, Aiandama. This will be reported to your commander. Expect good things coming your way.)" The man was smiling as he talked and looked at the soldier the whole time. 

"Что еще нам нужно от другого? (What else do we need out of the other one?)" Aiandama asked. 

"Он мог рассказать нам об остальных Мстителях. Очень полезно иметь информацию о них при запуске программы. (He could tell us about the rest of the Avengers. Very useful to have information on them when the program starts.)" The man replied. The soldier stayed quiet, listening. 

Aiandama nodded, waving the soldier to follow her to the holding cells. A lot of agents were staring at the two. Some in shock of seeing the fabled Winter Soldier and some in shock of Aiandama actually getting him. 

When the reached the cells, Aiandama unlocked the first one. The two stepped into the room. Lights clicked on and there was a man strapped to a chair and dripping blood onto the floor. 

"I don't know where he is." The man spoke. He sounded... broken. Sad, sure, but it was more than that. "I'm done." There was something eerily familiar about the voice to the soldier. 

"Мы хотели знать, где ты был. Но он никогда не сломался. (We wanted to know where you were. But he never snapped.)" Aiandama explained. "Заставь его рассказать что-нибудь о Мстителях. (Get him to spill anything about the Avengers.)" She commanded. the soldier nodded in compliance. 

Aiandama waited, watching the two and listening intently. The man looked up at the silence. Their eyes met and something broke inside both of them. "Bucky!" The man gasped. The soldier didn't respond. Aiandama chuckled in the background. "What did you do to him?" He demanded. 

"I need information on the Avengers." The soldier growled. 

"They... please no... they turned you back into him." The man dropped his head. The soldier yanked it back up. 

"Answer me." He demanded. 

"I'm so sorry, Bucky. I should have stayed with you no matter what." The man ignored him. The soldier decided he needed to be punished. A swift blow to the face made more blood trickle out of the man's nose and reopened a cut on the lip. 

"Give me information. Don't make me do anything worse."

"I know you won't hurt me too badly, Bucky." The man smiled through tears that were now mingling with the blood on the floor. 

"Что он говорит? (What is he saying?)" Aiandama demanded. 

"Он не подчиняется.(He's not complying.)" The soldier responded his voice firm and his arm up to strike the man again. 

"I can get you back, Bucky. I've done it before, I'll do it again." The man sounded determined. Then he seemed to remember something. "Because I'm with you. Til' the end of the line." 

The soldier seemed to freeze, confused by this statement and the tugging at his very being. Bucky was trying to fight. He wanted the light. He needed Steve. Steve must have noticed the change. 

"I was so happy when we found you alive. For a moment I thought it was too late and you had died." Steve admitted. "I finally had you again. I can't afford to lose you once more. You can't leave me." 

But the soldier fought back. He hit Steve again,  in turn punishing Bucky and making him weaker. The soldier yelled at him to stop. But Steve knew he could get Bucky back. He knew Bucky could win. 

"Remeber the song we listened to when we were looking at my old drawings? It's called Clocks and it's by a band called Coldplay." Steve continued. "You made me replay it five times before you knew all the lyrics. We can listen to it when we get home." 

Bucky could hear the song playing around him. And the word home. Steve was Bucky's home. Bucky wanted to go home. 

Suddenly there was Steve, Aiandama, the Winter Soldier, and the Hydra base cell, but all from Bucky's eyes. "Steve..." 

"Солдат? Что-нибудь? (Soldier? Anything?)" Aiandama cut in, confusion in her voice. Bucky turned around, peering at her through pained eyes. She knew that look. 

But before she could open her mouth to start the words, Bucky delivered a punch to the side of her head, knocking her out cold. She fell to the concrete floor. "Sorry, Aiandama." 

"Bucky... you're back." Steve spoke, tears heavy in his voice. Bucky turned back around to face Steve. 

"For good." He started crying himself, wrapping his arms around Steve. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I hurt you." 

"Hey, hey it's okay. It's fine. We just gotta get out of here and we can have a proper reunion." Steve comforted him. "First, my restraints." Bucky nodded, wiping his eyes. 

The restraints came off with the clutching of Bucky's metal hand. Steve rubbed his raw wrists for a moment before practically tackling Bucky into a hug. 

"I missed you so much." Steve whispered. Bucky returned the hug and they held each other for a moment. 

"I assume there are guards everywhere." They pulled away from each other when Steve spoke. They both frowned at this. 

"They still think I'm the soldier. We could use that. I could get some weapons and we could try and get out of here." Bucky suggested. Steve nodded. 

"I'm just going to act like I'm still restrained, if anyone comes in to check."

"I'll get some guns I guess. Then we'll plan our escape." Then Bucky remembered the tracker on Aiandama. "The Avengers will also be on their way. We have a tracker on her." 

"That's good. Time is short. Be careful, Bucky." Steve urged. Bucky nodded, opening the cell door and shutting it softly behind him. Just because they thought he was the soldier doesn't mean he didn't want to draw attention to himself.

He managed to find his way around the complex. It was pretty small, there was a kitchen, five holding cells, commanders office, and a weapons and communications room. 

Bucky entered the weapons room and saw two guards. One walked up to him. "Was machst du hier drin?" Bucky shrugged, then punched his gut, then his jaw, causing the other guard to freak out and shoot at Bucky.

The metal arm deflected the bullet and it pinged off the wall. Bucky disarmed the gaurd and knocked him out with a single blow. 

Then he was faced with door. He grabbed the guards hand and set it on the print scanner. The door clicked open and Bucky walked inside and was faced with three walls of weapons. 

He took two knives for himself and then saw the winter soldier mask. He lifted his hand for it, but decided it would be best to leave it. He instead took a belt to hold the knives. Then he took two guns and decided not to waste anymore time. 

He drug the two guards into the weapons safe and closed the door on them and left the room, heading directly to the cell, but still looking around to try and find the best way out. 

Bucky got a few strange and suspicious looks, but he ignored them as best he could and let out a breath when he closed the cell door behind him. 

Then he realized another problem. Aiandama. When she woke up, she would either try and run, or turn him into the soldier again, but Bucky really didn't want to knock her out again. 

Or someone would realize she and the soldier had not been seen for a while and go looking. They would have to act quickly and hope the Avengers were on their way.

Steve smiled up at Bucky when he returned. Bucky handed Steve the loaded weapon and decided on giving Steve a knife too. 

"Who is she? You seem to know her." Steve asked after a few moments of silence. 

"Long story." Bucky didn't want to think about it. He turned off the lights and sat down in the floor, gaze flickering to the small cell window and Aiandama. 

"Okay." Steve responded, staying quiet. Then Bucky felt like Steve deserved to know. He didn't know why, but he felt like he should tell Steve. 

"After the river... I ended up in Rootsiküla Estonia." Bucky started. "She was there. She became my friend and helped me out a lot. But then I felt like someone was always watching me. I thought it was Hydra, and I didn't want her to get hurt so I decided I needed to relocate." He paused. "So I told her I was leaving. It was a mistake. She faked her death to get me to go to you. She was a Hyrda agent all along and only became my friend to keep tabs on me." Bucky closed his eyes. Steve sat on the floor next to him. "Then you got taken. We captured her for information but then she turned me into the Winter Soldier. And that takes us to now." 

Steve was silent for a period of time, taking in the information. "I'm so sorry, Bucky. I should have waited to get my jacket. I should have looked for you harder." 

"Steve, no. None of this is your fault, nor will it ever be your fault. Don't ever blame yourself. This whole mess is Hydra's fault. All of it. Ever since 1941 when I got drafted." Bucky looked Steve in the eyes. 

The two slowly and subconsciously got closer before Bucky realized what was happening and pulled himself away from Steve. He averted his gaze to the door. 

Steve felt strange. Sad and tired, and that was to be expected, but he felt lonely and... heartbroken. He couldn't tell why. He guessed he was feeling slightly sad and lonely because of Sharon, but he didn't understand... why now? 

The tension was palpable between them as they sat in silence until Steve could no longer conceal his yawns. "You can sleep. I'll wait until it mellows out there or something happens to wake you up." Bucky offered. 

"You sure? I don't want anything bad to happen to you." Steve argued. 

"I'm sure. I'll be fine on my own for now. Like I said, I'll wake you if anything happens." Bucky affirmed. Steve returned a small nod, moving against the wall to get into a more comfortable position before he closed his eyes. 

Bucky couldn't help his wandering gaze from landing on Steve. A pang of longing spread through Bucky and he realized. He wanted to kiss Steve.

He wanted it more than anything.


	17. Seventeen

"Her position hasn't changed in a while." Clint observed. "She must be underground because I'm right where it says she is and it's just an alleyway." 

"Check the house infront if her position." Natasha suggested from her place in the quinjet. They had send Clint down to scope out the area around the signal, but so far they've found nothing. 

"Okay." Clint confirmed, walking up to the door of the house and knocked twice. An old lady answered the door with a smile.

"Hello. May I come in and use your bathroom?"  Clint asked politely. He watched as the old woman glanced behind her shoulder. That's when Clint glimpsed two armed guards. 

"Sorry," She shook her head. "No English." Clint took note of her Russian accent. He nodded and smiled in return, turning around when she closed the door. 

"It's suspicious. The house may be a cover for an underground base or something. They may be there." Clint spoke. 

"Then we should bust in and check." Bruce cut in from the tower's communication. 

"Eventually. We need a plan so we don't alert anyone. We don't know how many guards there are and we can't just go in guns blazing. That could put not only us in danger, but James and Steve in danger as well." Natasha pointed out. 

"Alright, here's and idea; plant those bot things around the house and crack a window and dump some in there too." Sam spoke. "And we could go in guns blazing if we really wanted to. Who cares if a few agents die?" 

"We don't want to make a scene. And do you want to get shot?" Natasha snapped. 

"I'm in the house." Clint pipes up. "Hydra isn't very good with locking windows. Second story window doesn't even have a lock." 

"Forget everything I said then." Natasha groaned. "Clint, find out as much as you can, but do not engage." 

"Copy that." Clint responded. "I'm head downstairs." Silence for a few minutes. "Two guards at the back wall guarding a door. It must lead down somewhere important. I don't see the old lady."

"Well watch out. Don't do anything until you know where the lady us and you're sure there is only two guards." Natasha advised. 

"Got it." He responded. The line went silent again and they all listened closely. "Only two guards. I knocked out the old lady. What next?" 

"Tie her up and gag her. Take out the guards if you can, and well move in." Natasha commanded. 

"They shouldn't be too hard to take out. They didn't put locks on their windows." Clint mused. The sound of two arrows flying. "Come on down." 

"Thor, wanna join us?" Natasha asked. "We could use your good looks."

"Certainly. Sounds fun." You could hear the grin in Thor's voice. Using Mjolnier, he arrived at the house in no time. He knocked on the door. 

"Hello, Thor. Nice of you to come to my housewarming party." Clint smiled and invited Thor in. 

"Me and Sam are coming down." It took a few minutes for Natasha and Sam to come down from the jet and join them inside the house. 

"I think it's time to fight." Clint smiled and was just about to open the door to wherever it lead when Bruce spoke. 

"Um... Tony is also coming?" 

"Let's go." Tony appeared inside the house, fully suited. 

"No. You're not sober enough for this, Tony. Go home." Natasha protested. 

"She's right, Mr. Stark. Your blood toxicity levels are still high." Jarvis spoke from inside the suit. "I'm taking you back." 

"Tony, you'll help Steve more if you stay at the tower with Bruce. You can look out for us, which in turn helps Steve. So let Jarvis take you home." Natasha spoke softly to Tony before the helmet closed. 

"Okay. Let's go then." Clint nodded to Natasha, turning to open the door. He grabbed a key off the guard and unlocked the door, opening it softly as to not alert any other guards until need be. 

"Ladies first." 

☆

"Last door?" Sam asked. "We're awfully close to her position. Clint was quiet, listening. Natasha looked behind her just in case. 

She walked back to the nearest door and shut it, hoping that would stall anyone who was following them unwantedly for a little while. 

"Must be. Everyone be careful. Extract James and Steve and then leave. We can deal with the place itself later." Natasha commanded. Everyone nodded in response. "Oh, and try not to kill anyone. Or get killed for that matter. Knocking bad guys out is just fine." 

Then she opened the door. Two people noticed at first, but Natasha took them out just as quick. But in doing so she attracted more attention. 

Clint handed Sam the tracker, and he set off to find Steve and Bucky. The rest prepared to fight. 

There were Hydra agents everywhere and it was a struggle for the three of them and Natasha was having second thoughts about sending Tony home. 

After fighting a few more agents, Sam reached the holding cell the signal was originating from. He knocked, ready to fight the person who opened the door. 

It opened a crack, the darkness of the cell made it hard to see who was inside. Then he heard a gasp. "Sam!" A hand pulled him inside the cell and shut the door behind him. 

It was an amazing feeling to be met with the face of Steve. "You look like shit." Sam mused, looking over Steve before giving him a hug. 

"Miss me?" Steve smiled at his friend after the hug. 

"You should see Tony." There was something unpleasant in Sam's voice when he spoke those words. Steve had an air of concern about him. "But besides that, Sharon decided to show up out of nowhere and act like she owned the place." 

Steve sighed. "Well... wait- the rest of the team? Where are they?" 

The sound of gunfire startled them. "Oh yeah, we should get going." Sam turned to open the cell door and Steve and Bucky readied their weapons. 

"Wait, Steve, what if someone turns me?" Bucky feared. 

"I know how to bring you back. It's worked twice already so don't worry. I won't let anything hurt you." Steve answered. 

When the three left the cell, the saw Clint holding Natasha while Thor was fighting off more agents. 

"We're gonna need to fight through the door. It's our best chance of escape." Steve piped up. 

"Good to have you back, cap." Natadha smiled weakly at Steve from Clint's arms. Steve had enough time to flash her a quick smile before he had to punch an agent. 

"We gotta get out of here before they start calling for backup!" Sam shouted. Bullets riddled off Bucky's arm, startling Steve. 

More fighting broke out as the tried to push backwards to the door. "Bruce get the jet ready!" Natasha spoke into her earpiece. 

Bucky shot at the agents surrounding them, clearing a path to the door. They booked it towards the exit, throwing the door closed behind them and every other door they could. 

Then they were out. 

Then a shout. 

Then the sound of a gunshot. 

Then the sound of ripping flesh.


	18. Eighteen

The group once again greeted the light of day as they escaped the facility. 

Steve looked around to see if anyone was close behind, and then saw a person peeking out from behind the house, barrel of a gun pointed straight at Bucky. 

"Bucky!" He shouted, moving towards the man as the bullet rang out. 

Time stopped still for Bucky. He watched, frozen to the ground as Steve slowly ran to defend him. He could see the exact moment his world shattered. He could see the bullet embed inside of Steve before tearing out the other side of him. 

Bucky didn't even notice the second shot pierce through his flesh arm. He simply raised his gun and blew the shooter's brains out. He wished he could have made it more painful. 

"Steve! Shit... we need to get back to the tower immediately!" Natasha panicked, looking to the quinjet that was landing near them. 

Then Bucky let out a pained sob, but not because of his arm.

☆

Steve's body was working quickly to heal him due to the serum, but not quick enough. He was losing too much blood and was too damaged to heal properly without care. 

Once they got him to the medical ward of the tower, it was now just waiting and hoping the doctors and Steve will pull through. 

A nurse soon took Bucky and Natasha to get their wounds fixed up. Then Tony came in with Bruce trailing behind him. 

"What happened out there?" He demanded, angry and upset. 

"We rescued Steve and James. Natasha got her leg sliced open, James got shot through the arm, and Steve took a bullet straight through his sides for James." Clint responded. 

Tony was processing the information and quickly transforming it into more enragement. "You let Steve get shot?" He growled. 

"Tony, there was an agent behind the house, probably waiting for us. Steve saw he was going to shoot James and made the decision to sacrifice himself." Clint furrowed his brows. "It's no one fault but his own." 

A door slid open and Natasha appeared on crutches, leg thoroughly bandaged. She looked at Tony with an unreadable expression. "Clint's right." She sat down on the nearest chair and waited. 

☆

It was a long while- maybe two or three hours before Bucky appeared, arm bandaged, face devoid of emotion and color. 

"They think Steve's going to be okay. His organs got messed up, and he hasn't woken up yet, but they have him in a stable condition." His voice was raw from crying and his eyes were red and puffy. 

Tony was giving Bucky a look that he couldn't quite read, but it made him feel guilty. He was responsible for this situation, and responsible for getting Steve kidnapped in the first place. 

"I'm sorry this all happened." He spoke quieter this time, trying not to break down infront of them. 

"We've delt with worse. Like the attack on New York. That was bad." Thor put in. Clint nodded in agreement. 

"Why don't you go get some rest, James. We'll tell you when Steve wakes up. I know you'll be the first one he'll want to see." Natasha suggested. But Bucky didn't think he could even close his eyes. But he nodded anyways, walking towards the elevator. 

He wanted to be alone. Alone with Steve again, listening to music and looking at old drawings and just being with Steve.

Bucky wanted Steve to tell Tony to stop looking at Bucky like he was the reason for all the bad things in his life. 

But it was partly true. Bucky knew he was responsible for Hydra taking Steve and he was responsible for Steve getting hurt and getting shot.

He wanted to go back into hiding.


	19. Nineteen

Bucky settled on the fact that he needed to leave Steve and the rest of the Avengers to make sure nothing like this ever happens again. 

He knew he was safe with them, and that leaving was a risk due to Hydra and the winter soldier being the FBI's most wanted criminal. But his top priority was Steve's safety, not his own. 

It would be easy to leave now anyway. Steve would try and stop him, but he was hospitalized and wouldn't be able to stop Bucky even if he tried. He was sure the Avengers wouldn't try to stop him, but he could lie to them anyway. 

He needed to pack first, so he left the tower, heading towards Steve's apartment. 

He managed to get the door open and was greeted with the mess he had left. Bucky decided to clean Steve's apartment before he left. 

Bucky found Steve's iPod and the Bluetooth speaker and managed to connect the two with minimal effort and started playing Clocks. 

He wished Steve was there listening with him. 

☆

He fixed the last couch cushion into place just as someone knocked on the door. Immediately he tended up, wary of who was on the other side of the door. He crept towards it, twisting the knob slowly, trying not to be noticed by anyone on the other side. Once the door was open a splinter, he peered out and saw Natasha.

"I knew I'd find you here," she smiled, Bucky pulled open the door all the way, inviting her inside. "The doctor said Steve'll be waking up soon, so I've come to get you."

"Okay, you can go. I'll be there soon, I just need to pick up a few more things," he lied. 

"Alright. Be quick or I'll see him before you." Natasha smirked, closing the door behind her. Maybe Natasha would try to stop him. He would miss her. But that didn't matter, so he turned and started off towards "his" room. 

He grabbed his backpack and stuffed as many items as he could, as well as the CD Steve gave him titled "Favorites." He didn't know how he would be able to play the CD, but for when he could, he knew he would need it. 

Then walking back into the kitchen, he grabbed a sticky note and a pen. 

Steve,   
You mean the world to me, but I have to leave. If I stay, I put you and everyone else you're close to in danger. Hydra will hunt me down, they always will until I'm dead or they're dead. So please don't look for me.  
Till the end of the line, love,   
~James

He left the note on the kitchen counter and grabbed his bag. He scanned the apartment one last time before turning and shutting the door. 

☆

Bucky had been there for two minutes before a nurse came out. "He's awake. You can come to see him now." Bucky stood and the nurse lead him into the room where Steve was. 

Before Bucky walked into the room, he prepared himself. The nurse walked in and asked Steve if he needed anything else. Bucky couldn't hear if Steve said anything. The nurse left. 

That's when Bucky walked into the room. Steve looked up from his hand when he noticed Bucky's presence. "Bucky," Steve smiled a little. 

The brunette walked up to Steve's side, taking his hand. Steve laced their fingers together. "Were you hurt?" 

"Just a small bullet in my arm. I barely felt it." Bucky explained. "I was- I'm glad you're okay, Steve." 

"I'm sorry, Buck. I'm so sorry." Steve started, Bucky shushed him.

"I'm the one that should be sorry. You saved my life when I could have saved it myself." He argued. They were both silent for a few moments before Bucky decided he needed to wrap it up before his mind changed. But then Steve spoke. 

"I'm really happy you're here. I was so happy I had you again. I needed you." All the words left Bucky and for a second he wanted to throw away his plans and stay with Steve. 

"I- I have to go, Steve." He closed his eyes. He needed to be strong. Say goodbye. 

"Why? You just came in... did I say something wrong?" Steve looked worried. 

"No, that's not it," Bucky smiled, not letting the sadness take over. He let go of Steve's hand. "I'm leaving, Steve. I want to explain but I'm afraid that if I spend any more time around you, I won't be able to think straight." A small, distraught chuckled escaped the brunette's lips.

"You can't leave me." Distress was soon filling the room, suffocating both of them and Bucky needed to escape. "I just got you back you can't-" The sentence was swallowed up by Bucky's mouth as he decided the final word was to be unspoken. 

The spark was killed as soon as it was birthed as Bucky stepped away, fearful he might not have the strength to turn if he were to lock eyes with the man lying on the bed. 

☆

Steve wouldn't let this happen. It was painful to stand up, the pain on the verge of forcing him to give up, but he needed Bucky. 

He ripped out the IV and other wires attached to him, causing something to start beeping. He ignored this and stumbled after Bucky. 

He got out of the room before a nurse tried to stop him. Running- he discovered- hurt more. 

"Steve?" Natasha stood up when he burst through the door. 

"Where is Bucky?" Steve was stricken with panic for a moment, looking around feverishly. 

"He said he was going to get some sleep." Clint answered. The nurse from before came through the doors. 

"No, he left me. He told me he was leaving me." Steve sobbed in reply. The nurse tried to grab Steve, but he lurched forward towards the elevator. 

Tony quickly stepped in front of him, blocking the path so the nurse could grab him. 

"I never got to tell him I love him." 

End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the end of Clocks.


End file.
